Case of the "I wants" with a side of lost

There are so many ways I've heard it. We all have. "If you want something go out and get it." "you can have it if you really want" etc... Then you see people just get things handed to them, granted some people deserve it and others just don't. It's like a rich person winning the lottery, it's not the happy ending sort of feeling you get in the movies but stone cold reality. Constant Murphy's Law. We all know that the hardest part of getting what you want is the part where you have to get up. Why is it only ourselves that prevents us from doing this? Why are we our own worst enemy? Today I can't seem to get out of my own way, again stuck in this fucking chair looking for an answer to the question we all ask ourselves "what is it I really want?" Shaking my head a lot, the cup is half empty kind of day.. I know whatever "it" is wont just fall on my lap, I've never been so lucky.. Or have I? The grass is always greener right? But in some cases, it is.. What do I want to do? and what do I have to do to get it? I'm on a real life quest I suppose. I know who I am and what I like, I just need to find out what it is I want to do..I'm beyond lost...chasing my own tail.. running from my own shadow..

The beginning of a prolonged struggle..

As I sit in my house doing nothing.. I have a few moments of realization that my "once upon a time" forward motion has come to a screeching halt. Self loathing mode has kicked into overdrive and my mind feels like one of those childs play  "merry go round" rides that just keeps on spinning and I can't find my grip...How cliche' for me to even use that as a reference but I was never one so good with words or metaphors..


I sit in front of this god damned machine way to much so I figured I would give blogging a try and see if I can get some sort of  "outlet".. Some sort of miracle relief from the every day routine bullshit that I go through.. Its really sad I should be so happy. I am...mostly happy.. but I hold on to bad habits like a security blanket, a mental horder for lack of a better term...Ironically I hate clutter and I'm overly organzized.


How do we get to point in our lives where you know that you've "peaked" and you have a feeling its all downhill from "here". Is that just depression? What is that? Frank Sinatra's "thats life" comes to mind.. Great tune. Love music, love it, love, it, love it! I'm looking forward to another peak if there is such a thing. If I had any words of wisdom for anyone out there, it would be to take the advice you find yourself giving to others around you and your life will become more colorful. Today I will be taking my own advice and telling myself to suck it the fuck up and get going.. Life is so short, and if you truly realize that at a young age, then your a lucky motha...